Online Dating…You Had Me At Hello

June 12th, 2009 by John

You Had Me At Hello, Let’s Never Say Go0dbye!

Men and women have different methods of communication. It’s like the title of the book - Men are From Mars – or at least it feels that way to women sometimes! But men do hear things that come from the mouths of women differently than women hear them coming out of their mouth.

One of the most common complaints that plagues people who eventually visit a marriage counselor is that “He just doesn’t understand me!” or “She doesn’t get it!”

So when we are contemplating meeting new people of the opposite sex it’s time to consider what we say and how it will be interpreted – as well as learning how to accurately interpret what the other person is saying.

In the now famous movie “Jerry McGuire” actor Tom Cruise had the luxury of having had months of a relationship with Renee Zellweger before bursting into her home and saying “Hello,….” So let’s talk about how you can get the same response from your date without the added benefit of an established relationship.

While you may not have had a relationship that involved one on one communication offline you have had the benefit of reading the profile, emails and IMs before this all important phone conversation or meeting. Your first line may not need to have a high impact value but it does need to have a high personal value.

Imagine walking into the local pub, sauntering up to the nearest potential date and saying, “Nice to meet you!” You wouldn’t think of it! You’d come up with some witty and charming one or two lines that are destined to pique their curiosity and let you stay for just a few more moments to prove how worthwhile your company really is.

So let’s put that much effort into your first couple of words to your date, whether you are talking on the phone or in person. Take into account their likes and dislikes, what you’ve learned from the other online conversations and how you might incorporate all of that information in a way that is appreciated by your date.

By combining your knowledge of the person with your understanding of how what you say will be interpreted you are destined to have a great opening statement or question.

Let’s start with men, because let’s face it, they are just easier to understand. Men are straightforward. They take what you say at face value. This means that mild sarcasm or gentle innuendos may go right over their head – especially if they aren’t paying attention.

On the other hand they thrive on respect. More than most things a man’s ego is built upon the respect of others. He strives to do a great job at work to earn the respect of his boss. He wants to be a great mate to earn the respect of his family. And without respect he has a difficult time expressing any caring feelings he may have for the opposite sex.

Women have a tendency to read everything into the least little detail. You may comment on the fourth date that her hair looks beautiful tonight. While she is preening and saying thank you she’s secretly worrying or wondering if her hair looked badly the last three times.

There really is no getting around this bridge in communication except to meet it head on with grace and understanding.

So when women craft their opening line to their new date remember that most men will take you at face value, without pretention, and may entirely miss the point you are trying to make. And when men develop an opening statement to their new date remember that most women will be watching your body language, facial expressions and tone of voice as you utter the words. These nuances may mean more to her understanding of what you are communicating than the actual words themselves.

These opening statements can be as simple as, “Hello, I’m glad we were able to meet at our favorite coffee shop. I can’t believe we both like this place!” Or you can use a more complicated reference to something you learned in your previous online communications with the place you are meeting or what you may have tried yourself recently, such as: “Hello! I am so glad were able to talk today. I wanted to tell you that I had a chance to rent “Jerry McGuire” last night. It was just as good as you said it would be! I loved the part at the end where the little boy throws the ball and Jerry’s eyes just light up.”

Whatever you choose to use remember how they may hear it and that it should give a good representation of who you really are. There are a couple of things most men and women remember and memorable opening statements are one of them.

Thanks for reading this post,