Online Dating – When To Make First Contact

Making the first contact within an online dating site

Making your first contact on an online dating site can be almost terrifying.  You’ve been looking through profiles and finally find one or two that are intriguing.  Writing that first email to a stranger can leave you nervous and hesitant.  You are putting yourself out there to be judged.  What if they don’t like you or you say the wrong thing?  Your profile may be read by hundreds of anonymous people but this time you are approaching one specific person.

There are a couple things that you can do to increase your chances of being perceived positively.  This gives you the opportunity to determine if you really are attracted to this person or if the individual doesn’t match the profile.

Your first email should be short – maybe three to five lines long.  Once they get an email from you they’ll head over to your profile to figure out if they want to continue to hold a conversation.  You use the profile to tell others about you – not a book length email to sell yourself.

Don’t demand personal information quickly, don’t start with the subject of sex and don’t open with an apology or a line about hating online dating.  Go slowly when you are asking personal questions and giving personal information.  Most sites don’t clear their online prospects through the FBI so you must always be careful about giving out information. 

Don’t start out a conversation with an apology because it shows that you lack confidence in yourself.  If feel you must apologize because you insulted their mother or children then the relationship is probably doomed from the start.  Don’t open an email about the pitfalls of online dating either.  You are talking to someone who is using an online dating service – you don’t want to imply immediately that they are dumb, desperate or dangerous!

Be upbeat in your first communication with your potential date.  Don’t whine about the weather or your life.  Instead talk about what in this persons profile attracted you.  This lets the person know that you were interested enough to read through the profile and you are taking an interest in who they are.

Avoid the creep factor as much as possible.  As much as you may want to believe that the person on the other end of the email is “The One” you don’t want to project that to them.  Telling them that you feel a ‘connection’ from their profile is a red flag to anyone reading your email.   Included in that factor is talking about past failed relationships.  Don’t start talking about “liars, cheats and game players”.  You sound bitter and obsessed.

Be careful with your compliments.  General compliments are transparent and generic.  You are fooling no one but yourself.  Instead, find something within the profile that really does attract or intrigue you and mention or compliment that factor.  Stay away from things that may sound like pickup lines.  It will seriously decrease your chances for a second contact.

What is most important in your first email contact with a potential date is to be yourself and have some fun.  Watch the sarcasm or witty comments because they may not be perceived as you intended.  Instead, keep the communication short, sweet and to the point.

Some examples of first emails include:

“Hi!  I liked your profile.  I love dogs too!  I have a German Shepherd Dog and a Keeshonden.  Do you know what a Keeshonden is?”

OR

“Hi – I loved Paris when I was there last.  Have you been to Montmartre?  I especially enjoyed hot chocolate at the street side cafes!”

OR

“Hi!  I graduated from Purdue University too!  Did you ever have classes with Professor Charles? He was a comic!  I miss the ice cream shop on 5th street.”

Keep those first emails short, personable and to the point.  The reader will click over to your profile and make their decision from there.  Leave the novel writing for your snail mail!

Thanks for reading this post,

 John Martin

Try these online dating sites:

Try Match.com – 3 Days Free! | 7 Day Free Trial @ Chemistry.com | Find Romance with Yahoo! Personals | Find a Friend at Adult Friend Finder

Tags:communication,contact,conversation,dates,dating,first date,her,him,information,instant messaging,internet dating,know what you want,man,men,online,Online Dating,relationship,relationships,woman,women