Online Dating, and When To Meet “Offline”

May 31st, 2009 by John

When Do You Meet Offline?

There is no general agreement about when it’s appropriate to meet your online date offline. There are several factors that will go into when you two finally meet but there are several rules that you should follow to help ensure that your meeting is safe and secure – for both of you.

Although it may be difficult you must be patient when you are meeting strangers over the Internet. You may sense a ‘connection’ to that person initially but it is important to take the beginning of the relationship slowly. You should take the time to find out if they are honest and genuine in what they are communicating with you. If they aren’t telling the truth it becomes more and more difficult to maintain the lies with each passing email. If you feel they aren’t being truthful ask questions and insist on the answers.

The next step should be spending time talking over the phone. For security reasons it’s best to ask for their phone number and block yours when you call. If they have the same reservations about sharing their phone number you may want to use a pay as you go cell phone or arrange a face to face meeting.

How many emails and phone calls or IMs you have before meeting is really up to the two of you. But when you do decide it’s time to meet offline take a few precautions to keep your date relaxed and enjoyable.

1. Err on the side of caution, always. You may have spent three hours on IM with this person but you really don’t know them. Pay attention to your intuition and your gut – if it doesn’t feel right it probably isn’t.

2. When you choose a place to meet make it a public place that isn’t secluded. Remember that although you may ‘feel’ like you know them, they are really still strangers. If they ask to meet at your place or theirs this is a big RED FLAG. Most people who use online dating sites, both men and women, understand the need for patience and security. If they want to meet at your place or theirs immediately then hang up and move on.

3. Use your own transportation. You can meet somewhere and if you both decide to move to another location use your own car.

4. Tell someone where you are going and with whom. Be sure they know your cell phone number, your car and the person you are meeting.

5. Look for all public information on the individual. You are meeting through the Internet and can probably find information about them through the Internet. You aren’t spying or intruding, you are protecting yourself and your future.

6. Don’t put pressure on yourself or your date. Planning a long first date is a recipe for failure. Meet for one activity, like coffee or a light lunch, and keep it to an hour or two. If things go well there will be other opportunities to spend time together.

7. Keep the conversation light and steer clear of conversations that may ignite intense passions such as religion, politics, abortion and anything else that could cause intense feelings and generate sparks of the wrong kind.

8. And do not talk about your ex! No one wants to hear about past relationships on the first date. You’ll come across as needy, dependent, lonely and desperate – none of those qualities are endearing to potential dates.

9. Watch for red flags when you meet. If the information they share in person is different from what they’ve shared online, if they talk about sex in the first meeting, if their schedule is severely limited these are all red flags that should send you running. It’s better to leave at this point then to continue to meet them and learn later that they’re married or lying about who they really are.

10. As cautious as you must be when meeting for the first time you also want to impress this person because they could very well be Mr or Mrs. Right. Make your first impression by being calm and confident. If your date understand the potential problems associated with online dating they’ll be understanding of the precautions you should take. However, they also won’t take kindly to someone who is openly hostile.

11. Remember to smile! You are, after all, having fun – right? People who smile are perceived as being open, honest and attractive. People list the top attributes that make a great first impression as warmth, humor, confidence, fitness, body language, creativity and conversational ability. You may not rate a perfect 10 in each of these but with a bit of confidence, a smile and willingness to have fun you’ll be well on your way to making a great first impression!

Thanks for reading this post,