Dating and The Dos and Don’ts of Instant Messaging

May 24th, 2009 by John

Dos and Don’ts of Instant Messaging

Internet dating increases options for both men and women. People searching for dates, long-term relationships and even marriage, are no longer limited to trolling the bar scene or depending upon friends for matchmaking. Instead, the options have changed, and so have the ways we communicate with our potential dates.

It used to be that we could read the body language of the person standing directly in front of us. But today, communication happens across the Internet and moves to the phone before people finally end up meeting.

This means that communication in text messages, IM’s and emails must be clear. You have to be able to mean what you say and say what you mean without the added benefit of communicating your emotions using body language.

But one of the advantages to communicating this way is that you have the ability to connect with the person’s mind. This is where you can differentiate yourself from the crowd using text and imagery.

Instead of relying on all of your senses you are reduced to hearing and reading without visual cues. You have the opportunity to get to know the person’s mind and spirit before passing judgment on their personal style or facial expressions.

Where spelling and grammar in your profile are extremely important, so is writing style, length and details important in your instant messages. IM has its own ‘speak’ or style of writing that distinguish it from other means of communication.

IMing is more informal and uses lots of abbreviations. This is where misspelling words can actually play to your advantage. If you needed someone to proof read your profile for misspellings and sentence structure you will be in your element in the IM world.

But because this form of communication is more informal you may find that you reveal more than you really want to in the first several communications with a potential date. IM contact is quicker, more spontaneous and more anonymous than email. You might think you must respond immediately to a message but it will be to your best advantage to take your time.

The length of IM messages are also shorter than an email, which is shorter than a traditional handwritten letter. Pay attention to these ‘rule of the road’. If you know the abbreviations use them. If not then spell it out, but be brief.

The devil is always in the details. You may be able to include more detail in emails or your profile but you can go beyond the weather and your last meal in IM. Talk about your likes and dislikes in a way that is engaging and starts a conversation.

For instance, “I like dogs,” is different from “I have always had a dog. Now I own a Keeshonden. Do you know what dog that is?” Or “I like music,” is different from “I just went to see Family Force Five and they were great!”

A classic marketing (remember, you’re marketing yourself here) technique is to engage the prospect so they see themselves using the product before they even own it. If you can engage the person in conversation to a point that they begin planning a date with you, then you are ahead of the crowd.

A good sales person won’t say “Call with questions,” but rather “We can meet either Thursday or Friday. Which is best for you?” If you have them sold they’ll check their calendar – if you don’t you’ve gained more time to talk with other potential dates.

Men who date frequently don’t give the woman the option of saying “no”. If they are interested, and think she may be, they give her a list of choices. The option to say no is there but it’s more likely she’ll say yes.

It’s likely that you’ll have over 10 IM conversations with your potential date, possibly a couple of emails and maybe one or two phone calls before you meet. Take advantage of this time and use it well. IM is a tool. Used incorrectly, you may find that your potential dates are disappearing faster than they are reading your profile.

On the other hand, using IM you can quickly determine how interesting the other person is and how interested they are in you. No more wasting hours of precious time meeting in a café or bar, no more waiting for a phone call or a return email. Today dating works at the speed of the Internet and successful people learn how to make it work for them.

Thanks for reading this post,