How to Break the Ice With Conversation

May 11th, 2009 by John

Ladies, listen up ’cause you’re going learn how to “break the ice”!

You spot the dreamiest man across the room, your eyes lock and you feel like your knees might actually buckle. He walks toward you. The air is electric and then he glides right on by because you were too tongue tied to say a single word to him. Sound familiar? Pathetically familiar? Don’t worry, you are not the only one riding on that bus.

Want a worse scenario? Picture yourself on a date with Mr. right with a capital R, gazing across the table at him and desperately searching for something, anything to say to break the ice and get the conversation started. So what are you going to do? Surely you are not going to allow the night to end in failure and let that dream guy out of your life without a single word? Come on! Pick a word and say it.

Normally your friends complain that you won’t shut up and now you have gone mute! That old “open with a joke” thing can be tricky. First off, can you actually tell a joke? Some people can, and some people can’t so know which one of them you are before you even try. If you can tell a joke, do you know what kind of humor your companion enjoys? You do not want to open with a joke that steps on someone’s toes or offends them in any way.

So exactly how should you break the ice then? Go with a heartfelt and honest compliment. Something safe and innocuous such as ’I really like that shirt” or, “what’s that cologne you’re wearing, I really like it”. Hopefully they will counter with an amusing story about how they ended up with that particular shirt, or why they picked that cologne to wear, and the conversation will grow from there.

Asking questions is a good plan of attack but try to avoid any question that can be answered with yes or no. You want to ask simple, direct questions that will require three or more words to answer. Pay attention to the response and see if there are any follow up questions that you could ask to keep conversation flowing. Make sure you keep asking questions about your companion until you stumble on the topic that really gets the conversation going.

Once you have finally gotten the ice broken and the conversation is flowing, try to avoid the talk killers. Skip politics, religion and stories about your crazy Aunt Ruth.(You actually might want to keep the Aunt Ruth stories to yourself until just before she makes it through the receiving line at your wedding.)

Sports can be an iffy topic if there is the possibility of a sport rivalry between you. If you can both agree to disagree, however, sports can be a great way to get a little friendly back and forth banter going. Food is a fairly safe topic, especially if you are at a restaurant. Ask him about his favorite meal, or what weird thing he used to like a child. By the time your food comes for the meal at hand, you will be chatting and laughing like old friends. Just remember not to eat with your mouth full.

When all is said and done, just be yourself and try to have fun. If it’s going to work out you should be able to tell within the first hour or two. However, if it’s not going to work out you should be able to tell within the first minute or two. If it’s the latter that you’re up against be creative but don’t be mean.

Break ice not egos.

Thanks for reading this post,