Dating, and How to Read Between the Lines (For Women)

June 24th, 2009 by John

How to Read Between the Lines (For Women)

One of the biggest challenges for women who are actively dating is the seemingly fickle nature of men. It isn’t unusual to hear women complain of men who appeared to be interested, were sending IM messages and emails, met twice and then disappeared. Whether women like it or not, men are usually the driving force in determining a dating relationship.

In the late 60’s and beyond women began to take a more active and aggressive role in the dating process, both asking men out and paying for dates. But today that pendulum is swinging in the opposite direction once again. It appears that the more traditional roles that have worked successfully for centuries are returning slowly.

This leaves women with the challenge of how to interpret the man’s behavior when he appears attentive and interested one minute and disappears the next. There are many stories of unanswered emails or phone calls and tales of broken dates. What was he thinking and what are women left to think?

When asked men agree that leaving a woman with unanswered questions is not acceptable behavior. However, they also admit that they do it themselves sometimes.

Sometimes it comes down to not wanting to create an adversarial relationship when they communicate their desire to move on. Sometimes they just don’t have a good answer or they don’t want to admit that they were dating two or three women at once and are just paring down their choices.

Another reason that men give for leaving a budding relationship early is that they got what they came for. Some men are in it just for the chase and once a conquest is achieved there is nothing left to hold his interest. That doesn’t mean that all men are like that but it is a reason that men give for leaving a relationship that may have appeared to the woman to have a future.

One of the problems that men perceive women to have is that they live in the future of their relationships. While many women are planners by nature, men tend to live in that exact moment in time. If they are watching the big game they aren’t thinking about dinner that night. While a woman may ‘read’ signs in a man’s behavior that leads her to believe he is thinking about a long term relationship.

Men caution that women should go with what is happening in the date they are on right now and not rely on the behavior of the man in past dates. In the past he may have been attentive and interested but after learning more about her he may be losing interest. Watch his immediate behavior and don’t right off distraction for having a bad day at work. Those behaviors come well after date number 10.

In one survey men shared their definition of dating and how they express interest in a woman. It appears that men differentiate dating and sex or hooking up. And in order to express their interest in a woman they also want to date her. More specifically men thought that a date was when plans were made in advance, there was something else besides sex and there is something that you find interesting in the person. They say that women will know a man is interested if they keep in touch and pursue her and if he communicates regularly with her.

On the other hand they said that men who vanish, email or call but don’t bring up a time to get together or won’t return calls when he says he will is definitely no longer interested. They voiced concern that men communicate their interest, or lack thereof, in this manner but they also thought that this behavior was common.

So, although women may want the fairy tale ending to a relationship there must also be the acknowledgement that it takes two to tango. If only one wants to dance then the fairy tale ending is doomed. Before giving your heart away learn to recognize the signs and take only one date at a time. Strong relationships take time to grow and the growing is half the fun!

Thanks for reading this post,