Even in the offline world, you can’t trust some people to be who they say they are.  But is the online dating scene even worse in attracting men and women who are married but secretly seeking others for extra-marital affairs?

While men are typically typecast as being the louts in this kind of arrangement, they’re not the only perpetrators.  Some women are seeking partners at online dating sites as a security measure against being alone in between partners.

 But for the most part, online dating site participants are genuine people who are single and seeking the perfect match for their love life.  Most of the despicable people who are married and straying go to websites devoted to playing the field while taken, so there’s not as much danger encountering these individuals on a single online dating site.

Still, it could happen.  If you don’t take precautions to get to know someone before taking things too far, then there maybe those who accuse you of playing a part in the adulterous relationship.

Don’t be willing to just accept someone’s profile as gospel.  You need to get to know your online dating prospects before agreeing to meet with them or engage in any romantic relationships.

 Sometimes, love moves more quickly on the ‘net, so you have to protect yourself against the possibility that the other party isn’t being completely up front about who they are or what they’re seeking.

 You don’t want to be plagued by guilt and shame that ensues when you find out you’ve been the unwitting accomplice in a triangle of love with your online dating partner that the other person’s spouse knows nothing about.

 If you discover someone you’re interested in has been playing the virtual field while still tied down to someone in the offline world, then you need to abruptly end the discussions and move on to someone who was more forthright in their disclosure of who they are and their marital status.

Some bloggers are taking adulterers who use online dating sites to task, accusing them of violating the unsuspecting party’s Constitutional Rights and making it more than just an ethical or moral dilemma.

 Make sure you ask questions and notice anything unusual in the prospect’s demeanor.  And most importantly, recognize that even if it happens to you, these people are in the minority, and don’t represent the majority of the online dating pool.

 Thanks for reading this post,

 John Martin

Yes, you CAN find love online by signing up with one of the these dating sites:

Try Match.com – 3 Days Free! | 7 Day Free Trial @ Chemistry.com | Find Romance with Yahoo! Personals | Find a Friend at Adult Friend Finder

You might even have the guts to post your profile and then find yourself frustrated because when you give match-making a shot, others turn you down because you don’t live up to their demands, expectations, or desires right off the bat.

You almost have to have thick skin when you start posting your profile on online dating sites because it can sometimes cause people to be less sensitive than they would be if you’d met them in person.

 Still, thousands of people are finding that one true love on the Internet, and it’s worth learning the ropes before you sign up at any dating site so that you’ll know the game before you go in and not get upset if you run into a few shallow people here and there.

 You shouldn’t lower your expectations, but anyone who has a set list of demands before dating someone will surely find themselves disappointed.  If you met Mr. or Mrs. Right on the street, you wouldn’t have a tip sheet of their profile to read before you said “hi” and discovered the spark underlying your conversations.  Yet for some reason, some people reserve the right to refuse an online prospect if their list of characteristics isn’t checked off perfectly first.

 Do you really want someone who has essential qualities in a mate, or is it preferable to find someone who is open to loving you exactly as you are?  The dismissing process can be abrupt and blunt, so don’t let it hurt your feelings if someone says, “Thanks but no thanks” without giving you a shot.  This is often only because people are joining dating sites to cater to their dilemma of limited time to spend searching for a mate.

 Sometimes people put things in their profile list of Must-Haves that they don’t really mean.  For instance, a man might add that his mates must look like a supermodel, when what he really means is he needs to have an attraction.  It’s doubtful he’s been in the company of many supermodels, and surely he’s been attracted to ordinary women in his life!

 In some ways, people believe online dating strips the first impressions away because you can’t see the subtleties that often attract us to our mates.  But online dating gives you a chance to get to know the person’s personality and feel comfortable before you take the leap into real life dating.

 Thanks for reading this post,

 John Martin

Yes, you CAN find love online by signing up with one of the these dating sites:

Try Match.com – 3 Days Free! | 7 Day Free Trial @ Chemistry.com | Find Romance with Yahoo! Personals | Find a Friend at Adult Friend Finder

 When you’re creating your profile for an online dating site, you may be one of the many who throws in a few false facts to try to spruce up the appeal of your profile to the men or women you’re targeting.

 There are some things you should also leave out if you want to make a good first impression.  It doesn’t mean you have to lie about who you are or what you believe, but sometimes it’s best to present yourself with your best foot forward in the beginning.

 First, try not to sound like a bitter, soured person who is already burnt out on the opposite sex.  If you had a bad experience with your boyfriend, don’t sound like a man-basher in your profile.  No men will want to take on someone who has that much baggage following them around.

 Negativity in general is a turn off for many people.  If you hate the traffic, hate the weather, hate your job, and hate your life – what is there to like about you?  The people you encounter on online dating sites don’t want a fixer-upper – they want someone compatible with their own personality.

Even if you’ve been plagued by bad first dates with other dating site members, don’t focus on what went wrong, but find the silver lining and talk about the details you did appreciate – even if it was just a learning experience.

Try to stand out from the crowd.  Cookie cutter profiles are a turn off and if you don’t give the reader anything unique, how are they supposed to be impressed enough to choose you from the masses?

How many times have you read, “I love candlelight dinners and long walks on the beach?”  Don’t be boring!  Instead of candlelight dinners, be specific and say, “I love Mortini’s Italian Restaurant because the host always gives me the best seat in the house and their Alfredo Sauce is to die for!”  This gives them insight into your personality, but it also lets them envision their first date with you.

To really spruce up a profile and take out everything a prospective partner doesn’t want, try to be specific about who you’re seeking in a mate.  Make sure they know you’re flexible, if you are, but don’t just say, “I like a sense of humor” if what you really mean is, “I’m sarcastic and love someone who can give as good as they get with me.”

 This helps remove the possibility that those you won’t be compatible will contact you and wind up being a waste of your time.  Be sure to find people whose profiles you respect and emulate their success by substituting your own facts and outlook on life and soon, you’ll be seizing the opportunity to have a first encounter with someone new.

 Thanks for reading this post,

 John Martin

Yes, you CAN find love online by signing up with one of the these dating sites:

Try Match.com – 3 Days Free! | 7 Day Free Trial @ Chemistry.com | Find Romance with Yahoo! Personals | Find a Friend at Adult Friend Finder

One thing that can be frustrating during online dating is developing your dating profile and then waiting.  And waiting.  And waiting for your mailbox to fill up with the promised suitors all interested in pursuing a relationship with you.  This is definitely NOT a ‘build it and they will come’ type of interaction.

But, there are ways of increasing the number of emails and communications from others on the site and therefore your chances of successfully finding what you are searching for.  The first place to start tweaking is your profile.  The importance of the profile can’t be stressed enough.  It is the only way that people get to know the real you – and you have to spend time helping them get to know you.

One way to attract attention to your profile is to rotate your picture and subject headline or tagline each week.  When you do this you are increasing your exposure to people who may have skipped over your profile.

Because there are hundreds of different profiles online each and every day most people glance over the pictures and the taglines to initially figure out whose profile they may want to spend time reading.  If one picture or tagline doesn’t grab their interest then another one might.  So by rotating taglines and photos you are increasing your chances of being found by Mr. or Mrs.Right.

Once potential dates are reading your profile there are things that will send a red flag up quicker than you can say “Stop!”  Some of those potentially dangerous situations are jokes that are offensive or even potentially offensive, profiles that are full of misspellings, photos with your ex cut out of them (use your second best photo and get rid of this one!), profiles that are too generic and photos that are just too good to be true.

After you’ve corrected those problems there are several other more proactive things that you can do to help your mailbox fill with people who can’t wait to hear from you.   When you are tweaking your profile share things about yourself, with specific examples, in threes.  For example you may say: “I love movies (Moonstruck), horses (jumping) and basketball (Celtics).”  By being specific about your likes you’ll invite more responses and attract those who like what you like even faster.

Another proactive way to attract more people is to include short stories in your profile.  Instead of saying you enjoy running you could say: “I loved running in the Chicago Marathon in 2007 and meeting people from all over the world.”  This is also a great way to keep your profile short and to the point.

Write the profile so that the reader can actually visualize themselves doing the activities with you.  So instead of saying “You must like reading,” you might include “we might spend a rainy Sunday afternoon at the bookstore.”  You should also make your profile sound exciting and hot – not lukewarm.  Like your photo and tagline are important ways of attracting people the opening statement in your profile will draw the reader in to read further.  Use those first two lines to be charming and direct.

And the last proactive way to attract more people and get some great email responses is to send emails yourself!    Developing relationships takes some work and doing it on the Internet takes a bit of diligence as well.    You need to persevere and write to others.  You might want to join in on the dating site forum to get to know people even better – and they have the chance to get to know you as well.

Dating is a social event and so being social online is important.  You may find this takes you out of your comfort zone but by learning to do new things you’ll increase your chances of developing the relationship of your dreams.

Thanks for reading this post,

 John Martin

Yes, you CAN find love online by signing up with one of the these dating sites:

Try Match.com – 3 Days Free! | 7 Day Free Trial @ Chemistry.com | Find Romance with Yahoo! Personals | Find a Friend at Adult Friend Finder

Men and women have different methods of communication.  It’s like the title of the book -  Men are From Mars – or at least it feels that way to women sometimes!  But men do hear things that come from the mouths of women differently than women hear them coming out of their mouth.

One of the most common complaints that plagues people who eventually visit a marriage counselor is that “He just doesn’t understand me!” or “She doesn’t get it!”

So when we are contemplating meeting new people of the opposite sex it’s time to consider what we say and how it will be interpreted – as well as learning how to accurately interpret what the other person is saying.

In the now famous movie “Jerry McGuire” actor Tom Cruise had the luxury of having had months of a relationship with Renee Zellweger before bursting into her home and saying “Hello,….”    So let’s talk about how you can get the same response from your date without the added benefit of an established relationship.

While you may not have had a relationship that involved one on one communication offline you have had the benefit of reading the profile, emails and IMs before this all important phone conversation or meeting.  Your first line may not need to have a high impact value but it does need to have a high personal value.

Imagine walking into the local pub, sauntering up to the nearest potential date and saying, “Nice to meet you!”   You wouldn’t think of it!  You’d come up with some witty and charming one or two lines that are destined to pique their curiosity and let you stay for just a few more moments to prove how worthwhile your company really is.

So let’s put that much effort into your first couple of words to your date, whether you are talking on the phone or in person.  Take into account their likes and dislikes, what you’ve learned from the other online conversations and how you might incorporate all of that information in a way that is appreciated by your date.

By combining your knowledge of the person with your understanding of how what you say will be interpreted you are destined to have a great opening statement or question.

Let’s start with men, because let’s face it, they are just easier to understand.  Men are straightforward.  They take what you say at face value.  This means that mild sarcasm or gentle innuendos may go right over their head – especially if they aren’t paying attention. 

On the other hand they thrive on respect.  More than most things a man’s ego is built upon the respect of others.  He strives to do a great job at work to earn the respect of his boss.  He wants to be a great mate to earn the respect of his family.  And without respect he has a difficult time expressing any caring feelings he may have for the opposite sex.

Women have a tendency to read everything into the least little detail.  You may comment on the fourth date that her hair looks beautiful tonight.  While she is preening and saying thank you she’s secretly worrying or wondering if her hair looked badly the last three times.

There really is no getting around this bridge in communication except to meet it head on with grace and understanding.

So when women craft their opening line to their new date remember that most men will take you at face value, without pretention, and may entirely miss the point you are trying to make.  And when men develop an opening statement to their new date remember that most women will be watching your body language, facial expressions and tone of voice as you utter the words.  These nuances may mean more to her understanding of what you are communicating than the actual words themselves.

These opening statements can be as simple as, “Hello, I’m glad we were able to meet at our favorite coffee shop.  I can’t believe we both like this place!” Or you can use a more complicated reference to something you learned in your previous online communications with the place you are meeting or what you may have tried yourself recently, such as: “Hello!  I am so glad were able to talk today.  I wanted to tell you that I had a chance to rent “Jerry McGuire” last night.  It was just as good as you said it would be!  I loved the part at the end where the little boy throws the ball and Jerry’s eyes just light up.”

Whatever you choose to use remember how they may hear it and that it should give a good representation of who you really are.  There are a couple of things most men and women remember and memorable opening statements are one of them.

Thanks for reading this post,

 John Martin

Yes, you CAN find love online by signing up with one of the these dating sites:

Try Match.com – 3 Days Free! | 7 Day Free Trial @ Chemistry.com | Find Romance with Yahoo! Personals | Find a Friend at Adult Friend Finder

We sometimes communicate in an online world.  This means that the slight nuances of body language and facial expression are lost to the reader.  What is communicated is only the written word.  If you want to avoid miscommunication and keep your possibilities open then follow these top 10 rules for online communication etiquette.

Username and passwords should always be secured.  Your password should include letters and numbers in a random fashion.  Don’t make them easy to guess.  There are too many people who find satisfaction and amusement by cracking your online passwords and then wreaking havoc in your online life.  Make your passwords different for every site – both professional, business and dating.

1. Always respond to an email from a potential date.  Even if you don’t believe that you will form an alliance with this person if you don’t respond you may find your username trashed in the dating site forum.  You can find a way to communicate your wishes that isn’t negative or hurtful.  For instance, don’t respond: “You have to be kidding!  You think I want to talk with YOU????” but rather: “Thank you for contacting me.  I loved what you had to say in your profile about _____.  But, after reading through I don’t believe we have too much in common.  I wish you well!”

2. Make good use of the subject line.  This is essentially the headline for your email.  If the subject line is brief and enticing you’ll be assured that the reader is opening and reading!  Your goal is to have the reader open the email and read.

3. Remember there is a human on the other end of the email, text or IM.  So much of online communication is anonymous but the person on the other end isn’t – they are human with feelings – don’t forget.

4. The golden rule “Do unto others as you would have done unto you,” is a great rule in online communication.   Online culture is full of its own shorthand.  It’s best to read and reread your message before sending it.  Read it aloud without any inflection or facial expressions.  Try to stay away from subtle humor and any sarcasm.  Messages don’t convey the twinkle in your eye when you teasingly refer to their dog as their fourth child.  The humor may not come across in email and may not be well received.

5. Avoid sending spam, forwards and e-warnings.  In the first place most e-warnings or requests for messages to be forwarded are fake.  You can check most of these at www.Snopes.com.  This site keeps a good handle on some of the more popular forwards, stories and urban legends.  But even if it isn’t in their data base don’t assume it’s true.  Most people get enough email without receiving more of the jokes, pictures, warnings and funnies.  Ask before sending.  Just because you can doesn’t mean you should.

6. Use your online communication to improve the way that people perceive you.  In IM and txt abbreviations and shortcuts are acceptable.  But when you’re using email try to keep the shortcuts to a minimum.  Shortcuts are acceptable when you find it’s necessary to swear.  Writing out curse words isn’t acceptable to everyone but asterisk fillers and euphemisms avoid offending most people. 

7. Respect the privacy of the people with whom you are communicating.  If you have received someone’s email address off of the dating site don’t share it with friends and acquaintances!  You may think that you never would but it’s amazing how quickly we add email addresses to forwards we find funny or amusing. 

8. Be forgiving of other’s mistakes. You may be familiar with the rules of online communication but others may not.  Forgive them their mistakes and move on.\

9. Tone down your language.  Avoid the use of ALL CAPS because in the online world it means you are screaming at the reader.  Don’t purposefully flame or incite the anger of others.  Especially when you are on the dating site forum – your username follows you everywhere.

10. Test for clarity and accuracy.  You message may seem perfectly clear to you when you are writing it but to the reader it may have a different meaning.  One good way to test is to read it aloud before posting it.  It may feel like it’s taking more effort than necessary but it isn’t.  Remember that anything posted to a forum or email is retrievable forever!  Once you send a message to a group there is no taking it back and everything posted can be retrieved for years to come. 

Thanks for reading this post,

 John Martin

Yes, you CAN find love online by signing up with one of the these dating sites:

Try Match.com – 3 Days Free! | 7 Day Free Trial @ Chemistry.com | Find Romance with Yahoo! Personals | Find a Friend at Adult Friend Finder

Making your first contact on an online dating site can be almost terrifying.  You’ve been looking through profiles and finally find one or two that are intriguing.  Writing that first email to a stranger can leave you nervous and hesitant.  You are putting yourself out there to be judged.  What if they don’t like you or you say the wrong thing?  Your profile may be read by hundreds of anonymous people but this time you are approaching one specific person.

There are a couple things that you can do to increase your chances of being perceived positively.  This gives you the opportunity to determine if you really are attracted to this person or if the individual doesn’t match the profile.

Your first email should be short – maybe three to five lines long.  Once they get an email from you they’ll head over to your profile to figure out if they want to continue to hold a conversation.  You use the profile to tell others about you – not a book length email to sell yourself.

Don’t demand personal information quickly, don’t start with the subject of sex and don’t open with an apology or a line about hating online dating.  Go slowly when you are asking personal questions and giving personal information.  Most sites don’t clear their online prospects through the FBI so you must always be careful about giving out information. 

Don’t start out a conversation with an apology because it shows that you lack confidence in yourself.  If feel you must apologize because you insulted their mother or children then the relationship is probably doomed from the start.  Don’t open an email about the pitfalls of online dating either.  You are talking to someone who is using an online dating service – you don’t want to imply immediately that they are dumb, desperate or dangerous!

Be upbeat in your first communication with your potential date.  Don’t whine about the weather or your life.  Instead talk about what in this persons profile attracted you.  This lets the person know that you were interested enough to read through the profile and you are taking an interest in who they are.

Avoid the creep factor as much as possible.  As much as you may want to believe that the person on the other end of the email is “The One” you don’t want to project that to them.  Telling them that you feel a ‘connection’ from their profile is a red flag to anyone reading your email.   Included in that factor is talking about past failed relationships.  Don’t start talking about “liars, cheats and game players”.  You sound bitter and obsessed.

Be careful with your compliments.  General compliments are transparent and generic.  You are fooling no one but yourself.  Instead, find something within the profile that really does attract or intrigue you and mention or compliment that factor.  Stay away from things that may sound like pickup lines.  It will seriously decrease your chances for a second contact.

What is most important in your first email contact with a potential date is to be yourself and have some fun.  Watch the sarcasm or witty comments because they may not be perceived as you intended.  Instead, keep the communication short, sweet and to the point.

Some examples of first emails include:

“Hi!  I liked your profile.  I love dogs too!  I have a German Shepherd Dog and a Keeshonden.  Do you know what a Keeshonden is?”

OR

“Hi – I loved Paris when I was there last.  Have you been to Montmartre?  I especially enjoyed hot chocolate at the street side cafes!”

OR

“Hi!  I graduated from Purdue University too!  Did you ever have classes with Professor Charles? He was a comic!  I miss the ice cream shop on 5th street.”

Keep those first emails short, personable and to the point.  The reader will click over to your profile and make their decision from there.  Leave the novel writing for your snail mail!

Thanks for reading this post,

 John Martin

Try these online dating sites:

Try Match.com – 3 Days Free! | 7 Day Free Trial @ Chemistry.com | Find Romance with Yahoo! Personals | Find a Friend at Adult Friend Finder

There is no general agreement about when it’s appropriate to meet your online date offline.   There are several factors that will go into when you two finally meet but there are several rules that you should follow to help ensure that your meeting is safe and secure – for both of you.

Although it may be difficult you must be patient when you are meeting strangers over the Internet.  You may sense a ‘connection’ to that person initially but it is important to take the beginning of the relationship slowly.  You should take the time to find out if they are honest and genuine in what they are communicating with you.  If they aren’t telling the truth it becomes more and more difficult to maintain the lies with each passing email.  If you feel they aren’t being truthful ask questions and insist on the answers.

The next step should be spending time talking over the phone.  For security reasons it’s best to ask for their phone number and block yours when you call.  If they have the same reservations about sharing their phone number you may want to use a pay as you go cell phone or arrange a face to face meeting.

How many emails and phone calls or IMs you have before meeting is really up to the two of you.  But when you do decide it’s time to meet offline take a few precautions to keep your date relaxed and enjoyable.

1. Err on the side of caution, always.  You may have spent three hours on IM with this person but you really don’t know them.  Pay attention to your intuition and your gut – if it doesn’t feel right it probably isn’t.

2. When you choose a place to meet make it a public place that isn’t secluded.  Remember that although you may ‘feel’ like you know them, they are really still strangers.  If they ask to meet at your place or theirs this is a big RED FLAG.  Most people who use online dating sites, both men and women, understand the need for patience and security.  If they want to meet at your place or theirs immediately then hang up and move on.

3. Use your own transportation.  You can meet somewhere and if you both decide to move to another location use your own car.

4. Tell someone where you are going and with whom.  Be sure they know your cell phone number, your car and the person you are meeting.

5. Look for all public information on the individual.  You are meeting through the Internet and can probably find information about them through the Internet.  You aren’t spying or intruding, you are protecting yourself and your future.

6. Don’t put pressure on yourself or your date.  Planning a long first date is a recipe for failure.  Meet for one activity, like coffee or a light lunch, and keep it to an hour or two.  If things go well there will be other opportunities to spend time together.

7. Keep the conversation light and steer clear of conversations that may ignite intense passions such as religion, politics, abortion and anything else that could cause intense feelings and generate sparks of the wrong kind.

8. And do not talk about your ex!  No one wants to hear about past relationships on the first date.  You’ll come across as needy, dependent, lonely and desperate – none of those qualities are endearing to potential dates.

9. Watch for red flags when you meet.  If the information they share in person is different from what they’ve shared online, if they talk about sex in the first meeting, if their schedule is severely limited these are all red flags that should send you running.  It’s better to leave at this point then to continue to meet them and learn later that they’re married or lying about who they really are.

10.  As cautious as you must be when meeting for the first time you also want to impress this person because they could very well be Mr or Mrs. Right.  Make your first impression by being calm and confident.  If your date understand the potential problems associated with online dating they’ll be understanding of the precautions you should take.  However, they also won’t take kindly to someone who is openly hostile.

11. Remember to smile!  You are, after all, having fun – right?  People who smile are perceived as being open, honest and attractive.  People list the top attributes that make a great first impression as warmth, humor, confidence, fitness, body language, creativity and conversational ability.  You may not rate a perfect 10 in each of these but with a bit of confidence, a smile and willingness to have fun you’ll be well on your way to making a great first impression!

Thanks for reading this post,

 John Martin

Suggested online dating sites:

Try Match.com – 3 Days Free! | 7 Day Free Trial @ Chemistry.com | Find Romance with Yahoo! Personals | Find a Friend at Adult Friend Finder

Internet dating increases options for both men and women.  People searching for dates, long-term relationships and even marriage, are no longer limited to trolling the bar scene or depending upon friends for matchmaking.  Instead, the options have changed, and so have the ways we communicate with our potential dates.

It used to be that we could read the body language of the person standing directly in front of us.  But today, communication happens across the Internet and moves to the phone before people finally end up meeting.

This means that communication in text messages, IM’s and emails must be clear.  You have to be able to mean what you say and say what you mean without the added benefit of communicating your emotions using body language.

But one of the advantages to communicating this way is that you have the ability to connect with the person’s mind.  This is where you can differentiate yourself from the crowd using text and imagery.

Instead of relying on all of your senses you are reduced to hearing and reading without visual cues.  You have the opportunity to get to know the person’s mind and spirit before passing judgment on their personal style or facial expressions.

Where spelling and grammar in your profile are extremely important, so is writing style, length and details important in your instant messages.  IM has its own ‘speak’ or style of writing that distinguish it from other means of communication. 

IMing is more informal and uses lots of abbreviations.  This is where misspelling words can actually play to your advantage.  If you needed someone to proof read your profile for misspellings and sentence structure you will be in your element in the IM world.

But because this form of communication is more informal you may find that you reveal more than you really want to in the first several communications with a potential date.  IM contact is quicker, more spontaneous and more anonymous than email.  You might think you must respond immediately to a message but it will be to your best advantage to take your time.

The length of IM messages are also shorter than an email, which is shorter than a traditional handwritten letter.  Pay attention to these ‘rule of the road’.  If you know the abbreviations use them.  If not then spell it out, but be brief.

The devil is always in the details.  You may be able to include more detail in emails or your profile but you can go beyond the weather and your last meal in IM.  Talk about your likes and dislikes in a way that is engaging and starts a conversation.

For instance, “I like dogs,” is different from “I have always had a dog.  Now I own a Keeshonden.  Do you know what dog that is?”  Or “I like music,” is different from “I just went to see Family Force Five and they were great!”

A classic marketing (remember, you’re marketing yourself here) technique is to engage the prospect so they see themselves using the product before they even own it.  If you can engage the person in conversation to a point that they begin planning a date with you, then you are ahead of the crowd. 

A good sales person won’t say “Call with questions,” but rather “We can meet either Thursday or Friday.  Which is best for you?”  If you have them sold they’ll check their calendar – if you don’t you’ve gained more time to talk with other potential dates.

Men who date frequently don’t give the woman the option of saying “no”.  If they are interested, and think she may be, they give her a list of choices.  The option to say no is there but it’s more likely she’ll say yes.

It’s likely that you’ll have over 10 IM conversations with your potential date, possibly a couple of emails and maybe one or two phone calls before you meet.   Take advantage of this time and use it well.  IM is a tool.  Used incorrectly, you may find that your potential dates are disappearing faster than they are reading your profile.

On the other hand, using IM you can quickly determine how interesting the other person is and how interested they are in you.  No more wasting hours of precious time meeting in a café or bar, no more waiting for a phone call or a return email.  Today dating works at the speed of the Internet and successful people learn how to make it work for them.

Thanks for reading this post,

 John Martin

Try these online dating sites:

Try Match.com – 3 Days Free! | 7 Day Free Trial @ Chemistry.com | Find Romance with Yahoo! Personals | Find a Friend at Adult Friend Finder

So, you work in an all female office building and nobody you know has one single friend to fix you up with? Hate bars and can’t dance to save your life? What is a dateless girl to do? Before you start cruising the grocery stores trying to pick up hungry bachelors in the frozen food aisle, consider online dating. With a little planning, a good profile and some luck thrown in, the man of your dreams might be as close as your computer screen.

The first step, of course, is to decide which online dating site you will use . There are countless sites to choose from (I put a couple of suggestions at the bottom of the page). One man I’ve read about views online dating like a job. He belongs to several sites and keeps notebooks with notations about profiles and his hits and misses. He  is obviously totally obsessed but that’s an extreme case, so don’t let that scare you off. Select a few sites by reputation and then narrow it down to the one that you can best afford. Remember, you are going to be dating now, you are going to need new shoes. Budget wisely.

Once you have selected the site, the next step is your picture. The first thing that people will look at is the photo. If yours is great, you could practically describe beating your mailman to death with a bagful of kittens and you will still get a handful of responses. Okay, so those responses are from people you want to say far, far away from, but you get the point. Pick a picture that highlights your best facial feature, like your sparkling eyes or your perfect smile. Try not to use that glamour shot that you got last year at the mall though, especially if a light brushing of mascara and some lip balm is your idea of putting on make up. Use a flattering, but truthful, realistic picture.

After the right picture is found, you will need to write a good, eye catching profile. Again, try to be honest and don’t oversell yourself. Remember, you do want to meet some of these people in real life. Avoid over the top, million dollar words that you would not use in regular conversation. Try to remain upbeat but not annoyingly perky. In the section marked “pets” list what you have and be done with it. Now is not the time to spill your guts about every precious thing that little Sparky has done. Check the box and move along.  

Consider online dating to be a process not a miracle maker. Just as you are not going to wake up one day to find that you have been declared CEO of your company, you are not going to log on and find a love connection with the first man that  you date. You might find yourself repeating the same process over and over until you finally get it right. You go back and forth with the emails, answering questions and reading responses, until you get to the answer that is a deal breaker. You move on to the next match and  start all over again. You might even get to the part where you even get to meet someone in real life. Maybe he is the one for you, maybe not but that is what dating is all about whether it is online or not. It is a gamble. You roll the dice, sometimes you get snake eyes and sometimes you hit the jackpot.

Thanks for reading this post,

 John Martin

Suggested online dating sites:

Try Match.com – 3 Days Free! | 7 Day Free Trial @ Chemistry.com | Find Romance with Yahoo! Personals | Find a Friend at Adult Friend Finder