First of all, when you join a new or different dating site you should acquaint yourself with all the features that are on the site and spend a few hours or maybe even a few days looking through the site to see what is available. Yeah I know this can be a little hard to do because you’re excited and want to dive right in but trust me on this one…take your time and you can avoid the headache (maybe even the heartache) of not going about things properly.

READ ALL OF THE ARTICLES (I capitalized that because it’s REALLY IMPORTANT)! Just because there is a lot of dating information available on the big bad internet, it’s not always the best advice given by someone with the best intentions, and the sites themselves do offer good information because they want their members to be successful and recommend them to their friends.

Have some definite goals in mind before starting your online dating endeavor as you will be a lot more successful, and happier in the long run if you do. If you are looking for marriage then look for other people who want the same thing rather than expecting people to change to accommodate your wants and needs.

If you are only looking for friendship with no intention of a long term relationship then don’t waste the time of people who are after commitment and you won’t be wasting your own time either. You will get more satisfaction in finding the right type of person if you actually look for the right one to begin with.

Be patient if you don’t find what you are after right away. Good things take time and the more specific your expectations are the longer it will probably take to for you to find what you’re looking for. Desperate times call for desperate measures but you are not desperate so don’t go looking for a “desperado” ‘cause that’s what you’re likely to find.

If you are persistent and stick to your guns then you can and will eventually find someone who has done the same, and that my friend is a match made in (internet) heaven. The people who don’t get what they expect from online dating sites are usually those who either stop looking too soon, or start looking too soon. Preparation and persistence pays off for most people.

And finally, don’t let these dating sites become an addiction like Facebook where you are on them all hours of the day and night. You should be using them for the purpose of improving your life not downgrading it, and anything that becomes an addiction will do just that.

There are so many people who get into relationships where one person has different expectations than the other and they only find out about it 6 months or a year or two down the line.

And imagine what might have happened during that time.

The person you were meant to be with might have found someone else while you were floundering around with the wrong person.

And they probably found them on an online dating site too because that’s where a lot of the connections are made these days.

Can you afford to waste months or years of your life with the wrong person? I would like to think that you treasure your time enough to not let that happen.

Online dating sites are a lot like the pre-selling that goes on in any form of marketing.

You get to talk to one another in a relaxed manner online before you even decide whether you want to meet.

You should feel free to express exactly what you want from your life as this will help you to attract the right person you are looking for.

The simple fact that there are so many people on these sites to choose from should make it easier to not have to put on ‘airs’ and say things that aren’t true simply to please the other person.

It’s not like a pickup in a night club where you might say you like particular things just to increase your chances of getting a date.

Online most people tend to me more honest about themselves as that’s the way to attract the right type of person.

There shouldn’t be any inconsistencies if people are telling the truth so if you find that someone has told you something at some stage and that information differs from another discussion they had with you then be wary of that person.

The inconsistencies can relate to any areas of their life from their employment to their age, profession, interests or other things they talk about.

Take note if this happens to see whether it is an isolated incident and possibly a misunderstanding or whether the person is giving you false information.

If they are cagey about revealing information on topics that you wouldn’t expect to cause concern then that is another thing that you should deal with before accepting an invitation to meet up.

Don’t be afraid to expect direct answers to your questions regarding any matters that seem unusual and if you are unsatisfied with the information you receive then consider ending the relationship before you have any problems as honesty is a key to any successful relationship and if you haven’t got that from the start you are unlikely to get it as time goes by.

If the person gets agitated or annoyed at any comments or questions then that is another warning sign for you to consider and moving on to a more suitable person might be the best idea at that stage to ensure your safety and happiness.

Always remember that there are many people to choose from and even if this one took a long time to find the next person, who might be a lot more suitable, could be just around the corner.

You don’t need to compromise and particularly when it comes to matters as important as trust and safety.

By adding some of your details in your header it will help filter out those people who aren’t looking for someone like you and at the same time attract those who are.

Your header could state that you are ‘An LA windsurfer looking for a Blonde Beach Girl’

Now that makes it easy for people to quickly see whether they might be a candidate for a friendship doesn’t it?

Or maybe you are ‘Looking for a female travel companion in her 30’s’

If you were in your thirties and loved travel you would probably be interested in clicking on that person’s profile to find out more information wouldn’t you?

Make it easy for the right people to find you and you will get better results sooner.

Think of what your most important requirements are and see if you can include that in your header as a filter to get more targeted people contacting you.

Now if you can also add some humor to that heading or something clever that would also attract attention you will be boosting your chances of getting the right people wanting to know more about you in droves.

You will also save yourself a lot of time by not having to deal with people who contact you that aren’t suitable.

When they get to your profile you can expand on this information to filter the prospects even further.

The people who have the most success with the online dating sites are those who take the time to decide what they are really after and then focus all of their efforts on getting precisely that.

If you haven’t any idea of what you really want then you are only going to attract people who don’t really care what they get.

People with ‘dated’ attitudes were often heard to make negative comments about those people who they would say had to advertise for friendship.

This changed very fast as more and more people could see all the benefits that online dating offered.

What other method was available that would allow a person to search a database of thousands of people in minutes and narrow down their search for the type of person they were looking for?

There wasn’t any and with the fast paced lifestyle that most people live these days this was precisely what everyone was looking for.

You could get online at one of the more popular dating sites and find several suitable dates in less time that it would take to get dressed up for a night out at the local club or bar.

This was a godsend for many people who just didn’t even like to frequent these places in the hope that they would meet someone.

One of the biggest stumbling blocks that people have with finding their ideal partner is the fear of rejection and that fear is never more prevalent than at meeting places where a guy or a girl can’t pluck up the courage to approach the other for a chat.

This is something that is of no concern on the Internet. People get to meet one another online after finding common interests and then it is easy to start making contact and to see whether the other person wants to reciprocate.

If they aren’t interested then it isn’t a problem because there are thousands more people who are only a mouse click away.

The fear factor is all but eliminated.

When you start a relationship with someone, you want it to last as long as possible. Building a healthy relationship can help you do that. In order to have a strong relationship with someone, you need to have a healthy mind and body.

How do they make a relationship healthy? A healthy mind is when you have good self-esteem and confidence about who you are and what you want out of life. A healthy mind gives you independence so that you rely on yourself to get things done and don’t become co-dependent on your partner.

An unhealthy mind is when you have little or no self-esteem and no confidence in yourself. The lines of communication become non-existent because you withdraw into your own world and just look to partner for guidance on your life, which puts a burden on your lover.

A healthy body is when you take care of yourself.  You try to maintain a healthy weight and you care how you look and feel on a daily basis. You don’t smoke (at all) or drink too much, or do anything that would cause harm to your body in the long run.

You exercise regularly to keep your heart running smoothly and eat a sensible diet, splurging once in awhile as a reward. Your attitude becomes a positive one that makes your partner want to spend time with you.

An unhealthy body is when you don’t care enough about yourself to take care of your body. You smoke or drink too much and let yourself go. You eat junk food most of the time and your waistline is expanding.
 
Since you don’t care about yourself, you don’t try to exercise or do things that would keep your heart beating soundly. Your attitude is poor, making your relationship crumble because your partner no longer wants to spend any time with you.  You can’t blame him because if you can’t even love you, why should he?

When your mind and body are in sync with one another, you can gain a positive attitude, which keeps the line of communication going with your partner. It allows you to listen to them and helps you support them whenever they need it (and vice versa). You’re more likely to do what it takes to keep that relationship in tip-top shape so that it continues to grow.

Avoid those pitfalls and take a stand on your mental and physical health. Setbacks are sure to happen, but don’t let them ruin your state of mind or affect your health for the long run.  

Thanks for reading this post,

 John Martin

Yes, you CAN find love online by signing up with one of the these dating sites:

Try Match.com – 3 Days Free! | 7 Day Free Trial @ Chemistry.com | Find Romance with Yahoo! Personals | Find a Friend at Adult Friend Finder

 For people with disabilities, dating is even harder than it is for those with limited time in their schedule.  Not only is it more difficult to get around for some, but there’s also the risk of rejection that many disabled people fear when asking someone out on a date in person.

 Online dating sites are now catering to those with special needs, and some even go farther than broad conditions – they specifically target members with the exact same disease in common, such as Autism or Aspergers.

 Some relationships start off from online communities not geared to dating, but with multiple options, such as friendship, support, and advice.  Other sites make their intentions known – that the website helps put disabled people in touch with others also afflicted with special conditions so that they have one major issue out in the open.

 Sometimes, there’s a stigma against disabled people from other disabled people.  They feel they want to partner with someone not suffering from the same ailment.  Other times it makes it easier for the relationship to progress because the date is someone who knows what life is like for the other person.

Disabled men and women want to be included in the fun and excitement of dating, too, without dear of incrimination from others in the online dating pool.  The problem with a disabled person joining a website devoted exclusively to disabled dating is that the membership can be small.

 If this is the case, you can join multiple sites and broaden your horizons.  You never know what man or woman will read your profile, love everything about you, and be willing to overlook any disabilities that you fear someone will balk at.

Online dating is intimidating for almost everyone.  Even the beautiful, healthy people have butterflies in their stomachs as their profile goes live and they wait while others review and critique them for the possibility of a future date.  Go into the situation with confidence in who you are, and your disability will blend into the background as your personality is allowed to shine.

Thanks for reading this post,

 John Martin

Yes, you CAN find love online by signing up with one of the these dating sites:

Try Match.com – 3 Days Free! | 7 Day Free Trial @ Chemistry.com | Find Romance with Yahoo! Personals | Find a Friend at Adult Friend Finder

 Before you and potential partner decide to meet up and introduce yourself face to face, consider the best options you have to mapping out your first date and overcoming the jitters that lie ahead.

 Creativity always delivers a good first impression.  If both of you are on a budget, and going Dutch, then you may want to take a fairly frugal approach.  That could mean spending your day on a picnic at the park, having a nice walk along the beach, or even inviting the other person over for a home cooked meal.

 If you’re adventurous, you may want to visit a theme park and ride the thrilling rides in between trying your best to win an overstuffed animal for the person you found on an online dating site to take home.

 Movies used to be a cheap option for online dating firsts, and in comparison, they still are.  But in some parts of the country, a movie can get pretty pricey if you plan on devouring items from the concession stand and go when the prices are not matinee-friendly.  If the two of you are fans of the arts, you can visit a museum for next to nothing and enjoy the adult atmosphere.

 If you can afford to splurge a bit more, then consider going to a professional sporting event or concert together as your first date. There’s plenty of action that eases your need to continue the conversation, but also lots of opportunities to allow you to have fun and get to know one another.

 Having dinner can be a great way to break the ice, and you can choose a restaurant to meet at that won’t break the bank, but will make a good first impression with your online dating match.

 Believe it or not, there are many matches made on Internet dating sites where the pair want to live life to its fullest, sparing no expense – even for their first date!  If this fits you perfectly, why not plan a trip to Paris or another part of the world? 

 If thrill-seeking is more your cup of tea, you could parachute or scuba dive, take a tourist ride in a helicopter over the city, or try your luck in Vegas as a big spender.  Some couples even attempt to climb a huge mountain as a way to bond the first time they meet.  Dating on the Internet can provide couples with a true insight into each other’s deepest dreams, so why not cater to the personality of our prospective mate and go all out?

Thanks for reading this post,

 John Martin

Yes, you CAN find love online by signing up with one of the these dating sites:

Try Match.com – 3 Days Free! | 7 Day Free Trial @ Chemistry.com | Find Romance with Yahoo! Personals | Find a Friend at Adult Friend Finder

Actually the question may also be – who will call after the first date?    Today that responsibility may not lie just on the shoulders of the man but some women also take the initiative to contact their date.

The first thing to address is ‘when’ to call.  Most men and women assume that calling the next day might be a good idea.  After all, you could let them know that you had a great time and maybe arrange another meeting in the near future.

But you’d be wrong!

First, everyone needs a bit of space to breathe.  Some advise advocates waiting a couple of days so the woman is just pining away at home, sitting by the phone, waiting and wondering if you’ll call.  On the other hand, many women don’t feel constrained by some of the traditional roles and will call if they think they want to.

So take into account that the other person has a life outside of dating you.  Or at least they should have a life outside of dating.  If they don’t have a life outside of dating then you have another problem on your hands.  Wait a couple of days.  You might wait 2 or 3 days if the date was excellent and maybe 4-5 if the date was so/so and you’re trying to decide if you really want to go out again with this person.

Calling the next day, or worse, that night, puts too much pressure on the person and can make them feel claustrophobic.  You appear to be hovering.  We didn’t like it when our mothers hovered and no one likes it when you hover.  Back off and wait.  If it was an Excellent date with a capital “E” then you might consider sending a bouquet of flowers (not roses! again with the rushing things) the next day.  Write a nice card with a quick compliment and then call in 2 or 3 days.

If we know when to call the next time, how about who should call?

Women probably have the worst time with this decision.  Not only does society frown upon the woman making the first call after a first date but they are also forced to agonize over whether the man is going to call or not.  Women are supposed to look disinterested so the man will pant even harder after her.  It’s not the beginning of a well-balanced and mature relationship.

However, the person who calls first also holds the most power.  And what woman wants to be with a man over whom she holds all the power?  And for the most part – most men don’t want to be with that woman either.

So it becomes a juggling act for women.  If they choose to call first, after a couple of days, then they must make a concerted effort to give up power in another area of their budding relationship.  For instance, she shouldn’t call after the next couple of dates or she shouldn’t be the one to suggest that they go out on a second date.

Men do best when they have control.  They may continue to engage in a relationship when they don’t but they may also turn sullen, angry and just downright lazy.   Women may be confused to find that the man who planned an intricate first date can’t bring himself to ask you out for coffee when you do all of the calling and planning.  This just leaves women feeling unloved and unappreciated.

Is there really a right or wrong answer?  Definitely not.  The answer lies in how the date went, the personality of the man and the woman involved and if they are willing to accept the consequences of the phone call.   You can’t second guess the person on the other end.  You have to be honest, open and just ask. 

Men are more often placed in this position. It’s interesting to contemplate the shoe on the other foot.

Actually the question may also be – who will call after the first date?    Today that responsibility may not lie just on the shoulders of the man but some women also take the initiative to contact their date.

The first thing to address is ‘when’ to call.  Most men and women assume that calling the next day might be a good idea.  After all, you could let them know that you had a great time and maybe arrange another meeting in the near future.

But you’d be wrong!

First, everyone needs a bit of space to breathe.  Some advise advocates waiting a couple of days so the woman is just pining away at home, sitting by the phone, waiting and wondering if you’ll call.  On the other hand, many women don’t feel constrained by some of the traditional roles and will call if they think they want to.

So take into account that the other person has a life outside of dating you.  Or at least they should have a life outside of dating.  If they don’t have a life outside of dating then you have another problem on your hands.  Wait a couple of days.  You might wait 2 or 3 days if the date was excellent and maybe 4-5 if the date was so/so and you’re trying to decide if you really want to go out again with this person.

Calling the next day, or worse, that night, puts too much pressure on the person and can make them feel claustrophobic.  You appear to be hovering.  We didn’t like it when our mothers hovered and no one likes it when you hover.  Back off and wait.  If it was an Excellent date with a capital “E” then you might consider sending a bouquet of flowers (not roses! again with the rushing things) the next day.  Write a nice card with a quick compliment and then call in 2 or 3 days.

If we know when to call the next time, how about who should call?

Women probably have the worst time with this decision.  Not only does society frown upon the woman making the first call after a first date but they are also forced to agonize over whether the man is going to call or not.  Women are supposed to look disinterested so the man will pant even harder after her.  It’s not the beginning of a well-balanced and mature relationship.

However, the person who calls first also holds the most power.  And what woman wants to be with a man over whom she holds all the power?  And for the most part – most men don’t want to be with that woman either.

So it becomes a juggling act for women.  If they choose to call first, after a couple of days, then they must make a concerted effort to give up power in another area of their budding relationship.  For instance, she shouldn’t call after the next couple of dates or she shouldn’t be the one to suggest that they go out on a second date.

Men do best when they have control.  They may continue to engage in a relationship when they don’t but they may also turn sullen, angry and just downright lazy.   Women may be confused to find that the man who planned an intricate first date can’t bring himself to ask you out for coffee when you do all of the calling and planning.  This just leaves women feeling unloved and unappreciated.

Is there really a right or wrong answer?  Definitely not.  The answer lies in how the date went, the personality of the man and the woman involved and if they are willing to accept the consequences of the phone call.   You can’t second guess the person on the other end.  You have to be honest, open and just ask. 

Men are more often placed in this position. It’s interesting to contemplate the shoe on the other foot.

Thanks for reading this post,

 John Martin

Yes, you CAN find love online by signing up with one of the these dating sites:

Try Match.com – 3 Days Free! | 7 Day Free Trial @ Chemistry.com | Find Romance with Yahoo! Personals | Find a Friend at Adult Friend Finder

Preparing for a first or second date can be a scary proposal, especially if you don’t date frequently.  Part of the preparation is ensuring your safety, learning about the other person before meeting them from emails, IMs and their profile and preparing conversation starters.

What you may have forgotten to consider is that there are conversations that should be avoided on a first date.  There can be several reasons but for the most part conversations on a first date should be centered around getting to know the other person in an atmosphere that is calm, fun and without stress.

Here are a couple topics that can produce just the opposite!

1. Avoid talking about past relationships.  No matter how nice you think you may be once they open up about their last romance or failed marriage you may become more of a lay counselor than a date.  The conversation most likely ends up with the date feeling badly about their past, look desperate or lonely or just wanting to go home and cry in their beer.

2. Don’t monopolize the conversation.  You ask questions, they answer.  They ask questions, you answer and then you ask questions again.  At no point in this scenario are you talking incessantly.  Both men and women like to talk about themselves and feel as though someone else is interested in their life.

3. Sex is a touchy subject.  Some women want to talk about it and some don’t.  Some men find the topic interesting on the first date and some don’t.  The best advice is to avoid the conversation unless your date brings it up and then only to talk about what makes you comfortable.

4. Personal problems.  Personal problems are just that – personal.  Your date is just getting to know you.  You may have had a close and personal relationship with your ex but this isn’t you ex.  Remember that.  Whining and complaining will lose your dates interest and any chances for a second date.

5. Money, Religion, Politics and Marriage.  Is there more to say here?  Each of these topics is a hot bed of conflict.  Unless you both have unlimited wealth, are registered with the same political party, go to the same church and believe that marriage is for losers it’s a safe bet that you don’t have the same opinions.  Your first date isn’t the time to initiate conflict so stay away from these topics.

6. Injuries and Complaints.  It’s another no-no on your first date.  This should be a time that is uplifting and fun.  Negative conversation, complaints about the boss, health, children or family should be left at home where it belongs.  If you want even a shadow of a chance of a second date with this person then leave the negativity at home.  On the other hand if you want to drive them away and be sure that there is no second date by all means bring out the whining and complaining.

Your first date is a time to get to know the other person and investigate if they are someone you might like to get to know more.  The vital information you learn on your first date will help you to make those decisions.

Thanks for reading this post,

 John Martin

Yes, you CAN find love online by signing up with one of the these dating sites:

Try Match.com – 3 Days Free! | 7 Day Free Trial @ Chemistry.com | Find Romance with Yahoo! Personals | Find a Friend at Adult Friend Finder